======================================================================== ============= THE FUTURAMA CHRONICLES ==== EPISODE CAPSULE ============= ======================================================================== Official Title: When Aliens Attack Episode Number: 1ACV12 (#12) First Airdate : Sunday, November 7th, 1999 (8:30 PM) Written by : Ken Keeler Directed by : Brian Sheesley ======================================================================== = Additional tidbits = Opening theme promotion : = PROUDLY MADE ON EARTH = Opening theme cartoon : "Daffy The Commando" (1943) {ms3} 07-Sep-99 Nielsen ranking: 7.6 million viewers (#42 for the week) MPAA rating : TV-LV Length minus commercials : [21:18] ======================================================================== = Fox Synopsis = The Omicrons threaten to destroy the earth if they can't see the last episode of a lost 20th Century television series "Single Female Lawyer" starring an unmarried human female, who wears very short miniskirts, struggling to succeed in a human man's world. Because the last episode was destroyed by someone spilling beer on the transmitter (think Fry), the crew from Planet Express must deliver their version of "Single Female Lawyer." ======================================================================== = Minutiae = - Fry and the technician have already eaten two slices of pizza thirty seconds into the show. - Fry spilt LoBrau beer on the controls at the TV station. {sam} - In the shot from Earth to Omicron Persei 8, you can see a brief glimpse of the Voyager spacecraft. {sam} - If you watch closely, in the distant pan from Earth to OP8, you can see our own sun slowly decrease in size until it blends in with the background and becomes one of many dim stars! - The female alien wears clothing but the male does not. {ds} - The alien's television is oval and quite small. It also has rabbit ear antennae. {ds} - The static on the aliens' TV began a few seconds sooner than the static in the control room, taking into account the minor broadcasting delays -- some of what Fry and the operator saw made it to the airwaves, but Fry interrupted the bulk of it with his soda. More great attention to detail! - There was a mouse hole in the wall of the alien house where they were watching "Single Female Lawyer." {sam} - If you look at the doorway and the mouse hole in the aliens house they both have cut outs for the three spikes at the top of the aliens head. {dcm} - Fry says "This is HDTV. Its got better resolution than the real world." Fry's 'real world' is _not_ high resolution. {ds} - People in the car, clockwise from the front-left seat: Nibbler, Fry, Leela (driving), Farnsworth, Amy, Bender (sitting on Amy's lap), Hermes and Zoidberg. - On monument beach: The Sphynx, Big Ben, the White House, Mt. Rushmore, Randy's Donuts, Easter Island heads and the Tower of Pisa. - Zoidberg's cellmates make a break for it after he and Bender flee. - Bender is giving Fry bunny ears when he takes the picture. {sam} - The Tower of Pisa didn't explode, but rather just fell over. {ddg} - When Fry's sandcastle is blown to bits, you can see half of the remains of Randy's Donuts in the background. - The super advanced aliens are using a late 50's style microphone. {lf} - Bender's blinking antennae (after his Patriotism Circuit is activated) looks just like the WNYW broadcasting tower's did. - The second-to-last ship to leave Earth in the DOOP fleet (before PE) was the Magic School Bus, from the childrens' franchise of the same name. (You can also see it in the Nimbus hangar in the next scene.) (See also: "Other References.") - This episode has finally confirmed my suspicion that the Planet Express Delivery Ship has a laser turret on its dorsal side. {sam} - As the Planet Express crew is flying into battle Fry says he is going to be just like several famous sci-fi characters, they are all women (kind of strange being that Fry is a man). - When approaching the mothership for the first time, one of the ships in the background looks like an old, old, Star Trek ship design. Three 'warp nacelles' attached to a sphere for the rest of the ship. {bt} - I could've sworn that, after the real mothership uncloaked and began firing, one of the ships destroyed was the Mystery Machine! {dd} - Bender is wearing a mini-skirt during the battle, as well as those gold things on his shoulders. {sam} - You can see the symbol for DOOP on Fry's helmet during the battle. {sam} - An old-fashioned tire is thrown from the exploding Hubble Telescope. - When President McNeal was in the sack, a judge kicked the sack. {jk} - One of the Omicrons has a cup of popcorn. - The "Single Female Lawyer" credits said "Written and Directed by Fry," without mentioning his first name. {ddg} - The back of Bender's head is attached to a television via an RCA cable. - While Lrrr is grading the episode, you can see [his wife] in the background by a water cooler. {jb} - That mysterious man wearing a white suit with a big nine on it was seen again! He was among the people who were celebrating the departure of the aliens. {sam} ======================================================================== = Parallels to Science Fiction = + "Contact" (movie) - Initial pull-back going from Earth outward is from this movie, as is the concept of alien civilizations listening in on broadcasts from Earth. {jb} + "Independence Day" (movie) - Shadows of alien ships falling over people. {jb} - The shots of the white house and other monuments being zapped were direct copies from ID4 (or at least the explosion of the White House was). {bm3} - President McNeal is similar to the president in the movie, albeit not quite so cowardly. {jb} ~ "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie" ( ... ) - The destruction of the Hubble is from Mystery Science Theatre 3000: the Movie Mike tries to steer the Satillite of Love, and crashes into something. CROW: "It's the Hubble! You killed the hubble!" He then tries to remedy this, resulting in the physical impossibility of the Hubble falling to earth. {rm2} + "Star Trek" (franchise) - The TOS alarm klaxons sound when Zoidberg escapes from the lobster trap. {jb} [I've also seen anti-virus programs use this sound effect upon finding a virus. -ed] - Lt. Uhura (TOS) and Captain Janeway (Voyager). {hl} - Bender spouts Trek-ish technobabble when the ship is hit. {jb} - Noise when the aliens' hatch opened. {ddg} + "Star Wars: A New Hope" (movie) - The scene in the briefing room looks a lot like the one in this movie. {sam} - The approach to the alien mother ship is just like the approach of the X-wings toward the Death Star in Star Wars. {sam} - Fry wears a helmet [and gold visor {ddg}] similar to Luke Skywalker's. {jb} - One shot of a laser turret firing at a few ships looks exactly like a similar scene in the Death Star battle in Star Wars. {sam} - Pretty much the entire attack sequence. {hl} ======================================================================== = Other References = + "Ally McBeal" (TV show) - Everything about "Single Female Lawyer" -- from the hot, naked affairs to the unisex bathroom to the star's name (Jennie McNeal). + Charles Atlas (meatbag) - The kicking sand in the face bit which what turned Charles Atlas into a muscleman. {hl} + "Diff'rent Strokes" (TV show) - Bender quotes Gary Coleman's catchphrase from this show when he asks "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Fry?" ~ "MAD Worry Book" (paperback book) - [This is a] MAD magazine paperback from the early 1980s full of one panel cartoons of things to worry about. [One cartoon] in particular was that "I Love Rucy" tv signals being emitted to outer space may provoke a hostile alien race many light years away to destroy earth twenty years down the road. The alien in that cartoon panel looked similar to the ones in the show. {hl} + "The Magic School Bus" (children's book / PBS series) {jcl} - The second-to-last ship to leave Earth in the DOOP fleet (before PE) was the Magic School Bus itself. (You can also see it in the Nimbus hangar in the next scene.) + "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" (book) - Women are from Omicron Persei 7, and men are from Omicron Persei 9. {ds} ~ "Monty Python" (franchise) - There's something distincly "Pythonesque" about a 'monument- destroying weapon'. I wouldn't call it an homage, but more a parody. "You're going to destroy the White House? Yeah, well we'll destroy that, Mt. Rushmore, the Leaning Tower of Pisa _and_ Randy's Donuts!" {rs} + Picasso (meatbag) - Leela with the extra eye on the side of her head looks like that famous Picasso painting I don't know the name of. {lf} ~ "Saturday Night Live" (TV show) - Beer spilling on control board from "Sat. Night Live" parody of "The China Syndrome", "The Pepsi Syndrome." {lf} ~ "The Tick" (TV show) - The evil governor of NY from the 2600's looks one of the villains. {lf} ======================================================================== = Goofs = - If Fry damaged the _transmitter_ (as said by Amy), how could the station transmit the "we now bring you eight animated shows in a row" message? {lp} - Tireless cars still squeal rubber. {hl} - Leela's handbag and Zoidberg's cooler both disappear from beside their beach-chairs. - Zoidberg walked into the water sideways like a crab, not like a lobster. {sam} - Beef is extinct. (Perhaps Bender's grilling up tofu burgers.) {jb} - Bender's red hot glowing ass didn't melt his lounge chair. {ds} [It's some future Kevlar-like high temp substance -- although the Statue of Liberty, which is mostly copper and steel, was on fire at the end. {lf}] - When Amy is on the beach, her tattoo is missing. {lp} - When they are going to the beach, they're all in "beach" clothing. When they go back to PE, they're in their standard clothing. Even if they took their standard clothes with them, WHEN did they put them back on? During the saucer's attack? {lp} [During the commercial. Duh. -ed] - Once again, the Statue of Liberty is holding something different. This week it's her traditional torch. - The aliens attacked rather than waiting one week for the next episode. How did they handle other pre-emptions? (They said "season finale," not "series finale.") {ddg} - Only the WNYW signal was strong enough to reach Omicron Persei 8. {ddg} - If all those cadets were going to fight for Earth, why are Kif and Leela the only aliens? Aren't there other aliens that have homes on Earth? {sc} - Why was there only one official DOOP fleet ship sent against the aliens? What happed to the rest? Were they destroyed by the aliens or just kept from approaching? {sam} - How could that first ship they attacked be the Hubble Telescope? It was firing on them!! {sam} - Zapp's hands are way to big when he says "That _was_ McNeal." - Who was filming Zapp's conversation with Lrrr? - When Amy is reading the SFL web page, there's a wall directly behind them. When Fry says "Let's put on a show," there is no wall. {lp} - Maybe I'm wrong here, but there's no room for an attic in the Planet Express building. The main section opens up during spaceship launches, and we've seen inside the dome-like section in 1ACV08. - Fry orders "Lights" and Bender opens his chest cavity. Then Fry orders the cameras, and Bender's chest cavity is closed. {lp} - The Omicrons watching Single Female Lawyer change places. At first, Lrrr (distinguished by his gown) is near the middle, but, when he suggests that McNeal tear the judge's head off, there is no one sitting to his right. - Fry's cuecards and pen appear from nowhere. {lp} - The Sparky's Den clock has neither hands nor the millenium count from 1ACV09. {lp} ======================================================================== = Extended Goofs / Technical Nitpicks = >> What did they do for entertainment back in 2900? Joe Klemm: Television signals from Earth are actually travelling across the universe as we speak. In fact, it is possible for aliens to be watching old TV shows for the very first time. However, their response to our programs, as well as contact with them, will take a while to reach back to Earth, as television waves go the same to and from Earth. David Antonoff: There's an actual star named "Atik," in the constellation Pleiades, that's also known as Omicron Persei. I imagine that if this star has any orbiting bodies, one might be called #8. Robert Teague: I looked up that star [Omicron Persei] in my copy of The Guinness Book of Astronomy, and according to it, it is 310 parsecs (1011 light years) away. I might go to the Hipparcos Astrometry Satellite's online catalog and check the parallax there for a more precise distance. The star's name is given as Ati. It's a B1 star, so is bigger, more massive, and brighter than our G2 sun. Without going into specifics, having Planet VIII as habitable is reasonable, since the eco-zone would be further from the star. I'd say the writer knows his astronomy. In real life, a B1 star is far too massive to have a lifetime that would allow life to develope. It may not even last long enough for the planets to cool down to solid rock. Larry Finkelstein: They may have evolved elsewhere and then colonized a planet or two in O.P. for minerals or better TV reception. If planetary formation results in orbital distances, measured from the stellar surface, that follow a consistent pattern, then the designation O.P. 8 would refer to a planet at approximately the orbit of Neptune. That distance would compensate for the extreme heat of a blue giant star. Migration would account for the existence of advanced life forms in a stellar system that must be relatively young. This assumption cannot be tested until a second planetary system is measured with enough accuracy to determine the distribution of mass in the proto-stellar disk. >> Inconvenience Drive Daniel Silberfarb: So, if the Aliens of Omicron Persei 8 live 1000 light years from Earth, how did they travel to Earth so quickly? In order to do so, they would have to travel 10s of thousands of times faster than the speed of light -- which is supposedly impossible. Larry Finkelstein: Of course, the Planet Express ship travels to other stars and galaxies routinely, so this is not new. Breaking the light speed barrier is a necessary plot convenience in science fiction. There are numerous scientific theories that are use to justify it. Hyperspace - Space is warped into a fourth (or fifth) dimension and the two points in space are moved closer so the ship can pass between them quickly. Warp drive - Similar to hyperspace, space is warped and the ship jumps across the crests of the warp. Time drive - The ship moves back in time 99.999999% as fast as time moves forward, creating the illusion that you are moving faster than light. Worm holes - Temporary rifts through the fabric of space, though unstable and requiring huge amounts of energy to create, they provide short-cuts through the universe. Lint drive - If you take a pair of pants out of the drier and put your hand in the pockets, what do you find? Lint! How does it get there? It's that fast! James W. Sager III: Instead of asking why they get back so fast, don't you think we should really be asking, "How did they get such good reception 1000 light years away?" Larry Finkelstein: Since the signal originates in 1999, we can assume it is a digital signal. As long as there is enough signal to tell 1s from 0s, they would get perfect reception. Giant dishes in orbit could pick up the signal, and re-broadcast it to the little rabbit ears on the side of the TV. However, when we are behind the sun, they would lose the signal. Hopefully it is in the summer when there's nothing on but re-runs. Willondon Donovan: Not necessarily. The line from Sol to their sun could be perpendicular to the plane containing Earth's orbit. In that case, Earth would never be obscured from view. Personally, though, I'm guessing illegal cable hookup. "Magic. Got it." -- Fry >> Filmed on Location Dave Sweatt: This episode takes place on Labor Day, which is still an observed work holiday in the year 3000. This establishes that Fry has been in the future for 9 months, and may give us a clue as to whether or not time will pass by on the show (IOW, will we always be in the year 3000 or will time pass?). [More than one person concluded that Labor Day 3000 will fall on September 1st. -ed] Larry Finkelstein: Fry had been at Planet Express for over two months when they finally kicked him out. So he was definitely too late to enroll at Mars University for the spring semester and it had to be fall semester when he started. How could he be in school long enough to be taking a major test on the history of the 20th century, then drop out in time for Labor Day? Other than the tight schedule, it is chronological. Since it was Labor Day, why wasn't Jerry Lewis' head hosting a telethon for something? Rick Carlson: He could have enrolled in a Summer Semester, especially since they are traditionally "light material" due to the shorter time frame. >> Nobody bothered to preserve Calista Flockhart's head (in a test- >> tube ... ) Don Del Grande: If there was a web site for "Single Female Lawyer," why didn't anybody try to find real writers and actors that looked like the originals, rather than letting Fry and company do it? Eric Sansoni: Disregarding the fact that it's bound to be much funnier to see our favorite characters act the parts, as opposed to directing other actors behind the scenes, they certainly didn't have time to do a casting call with only 24 hours before this week's imminent annihilation of the Earth. John DiFool: Plus the aliens probably think that all humans look alike. Ward Donald Griffiths III: You mean you _don't_ all look alike? ======================================================================== = Reviews = Jason Barrera: After a somewhat lackluster trip to the beach, this episodes really picks up steam in the second and third acts with lots of glitzy special effects. Kudos to Leela for her rousing performance as Jenny McNeil. (A-) Phish Eggs: After seeing another episode of Homer's wacky adventures this episode was a welcome relief. Thank goodness Futurama is back in form after a mediocre episode last month. The characterization in this episode was dead-on with Zapp acting the way he should and some great Farnsworth activity ("You'll be the alchoholic, foul-mouthed ..."). The standout of this episode was Fry with the most funny lines in the episode. I loved his script for "Single Female Lawyer" and his sand castle had me ROTFL. All in all an excellent show with good pacing, good story, and most importantly, it was funny; and it had Amy losing her bikini top. ;) (A) Scott Henrichs: After that slighty above-mediocre episode a month ago (in case you forgot -- it's been so long since a new episode -- the one where they go to Mars University), I thought this episode was just like the first 7 or 8 before, rolling-on-the-floor hilarious. This episode was awesome! Much better than tonight's Simpsons episode, of course. The best part was Bender's red hot metal ass and "camera 3." :) Of course, I'm sure a lot of people here will like Nibbler eating Amy's bikini more. (Probably #2 episode ever only to the one where Zap and Leela sleep together.) (A) Joe Klemm: When I first saw the ads for it, I was a little bit worried that the episode would be a disappointment like E-I-E-I-Annoyed Grunt. However, the writers prevented it from being disappointing thanks to the beach scenes, the crew doing their version of Single White Lawyer, and the alien's critique of the episode. (B+) Eric Sansoni: Perfect characterization here spells big laughs. Zapp, satirizing both military-think and booty-hounds, is indispensable, and the unending variations on Bender's gadgetry are priceless. The Star Wars refs are nicely done as throwaways; spotting them is a bonus, not a requirement. The humor is so consistent, that you might overlook how elegant the plot and themes are. That intelligent undercurrent makes this involving and satisfying, not just funny. Great plot touches include Fry both causing and resolving the 1000 yr-old threat, and Leela's sensible anti-TV stance turning out to be truly bad advice. Best of all are the pokes at TV viewers and what they crave. Thank God this show was the opposite. (A-) Mike Smith: I do enjoy that episode, thanks to Ken Keeler's entertaining script. The "Single Female Lawyer" recreation is so funny, as was the ending shot! The alien may give the recreation a C+, but I give the whole episode an: (A) "Spacer2000": This episode was a nice addition to all my favorite Futurama episodes. I loved the anti-monument ray gun and the animation was off the hook. Single Female Lawyer ... Ally McBeal ... uni-sex bathrooms ... AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! The whole blowing-up-the hubble-telescope was very funny! Spare tire going out of the huge explosion!!!!! Prof. Farnsworth talking to the 3 people who he was going to make his next crew!!!!!! I was upset with no Morbo saying "On a lighter note, this just in: Earth is going to be destroyed." (A) Yours Truly: The funniest yet. It manages to overlay carefree comedy with a consistent and fully developed universe like no one else could have. The most amazing thing is that every single reference (either to pop culture or a previous episode) was presented so that people who didn't get it wouldn't even have to think twice because it was integrated so well with the plot. TV should always be this much fun. (A+) Average Grade: [17/7=2.428571428571] (A) ======================================================================== = Final Thoughts / Comments = >> Minute Title Sequence Trivia Mike Smith: The cartoon is "Daffy The Commando" from 1943. It's one of those wartime-themed cartoons from WWII. The most interesting thing about this is the rotoscoping of Hitler at the end. Interesting, since the episode involves a war over a TV show from the 20th Century! Scott H. Eckert: Definitly very weird cartoon with Daffy hitting Hitler on the head with the mallet and stuff ... >> Newsgroups ain't for a-praisin' Eric Sansoni, in response to Scott Henrich's review: Geez, Futurama just might be a smash ratings success after all. You manage to count among your favorite moments every sexually-related joke they ever did, while I found the exaggerated satire of "sophisticated" sex comedies on tonight's show well-aimed. Yet neither of us found enough to be offended by in the material the other liked. There's magic in this television writing. >> Those poor 10th-Century men ... : I noticed that Amy Wong appears to have breast implants. During the beach scene when Nibbler rips off her bikini top she presses two buns up to her chest deforming her breast in a way the would suggest she has implants. Notice the crease along the top of the breast, a good indication they are not 100% real. I don't know how this fits with her comment in the sauna about Genetic engineering and Fry's manhood, it is possible that she was born "small" if you look at her mother. Am I reading too much into this thing? >> Freeze Frame Fanaticism will return next week at its regular time ... Daniel L. Dreibelbis comments on the many spaceship gags hidden during the battle scenes: A similar thing happened in an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures, in which Plucky Duck became Pluckzilla -- a jet began firing missiles at Plucky, and if you slowed down the tape you could see other things being shot at him, including a kitchen sink, an anvil, and George Jetson ... ) John Cody: I've had a good look at the spacecraft in 1ACV12 and it's definitely one of the Voyagers (launched 1977), not one of the Pioneers (launched 1972/3). Neither of the Voyagers are traveling in the general direction of Perseus so I can't tell which one. T he high gain antenna seems a little out of shape, but generally it is a very good likeness. If anyone can tell me when the season premiere of SFL AKA AM aired in 1999 in New York I'll find out roughly how distant the two were from the Earth at that point. >> Tell me where you are _now_, you bastard! Daniel Tropea: Destroying the Hubble? Sheesh. Although you would think that would have crashed back on Earth by now. Reagan Sulewski: Who knows what version of the Hubble this is. I believe there's suppossed to be a replacement for the current one in not too long. I also get a kick out of the fact that the future Hubble is armed. >> Hidden references to "Newsradio" and Phil Hartman? Captain Jackass: In the opening scene (from 1999), Fry was delivering pizza and beer to a TV station with the call letters "WNYW." This is only one letter off from "WNYX." Later in the episode, there were several scenes featuring one "President McNeal." Not McNeil, mind you, but McNeal. In my opinion, he also bore a striking "resemblance" to Phil Hartman / Bill McNeal / Lionel Hutz, at least as much as a cartoon can resemble a real person. Of course, it could all be coincidence, but given Phil's close association with The Simpsons, these things really struck me as a subtle tribute the Dearly Departed One. Eric Sansoni: I would guess it wasn't meant to make us think of Hartman. Considering that the character is killed, it would have made for a potentially tasteless comparison. OTOH, Brian Kelley and Lewis Morton have written for both shows, making potential Newsradio references more plausible. I'd say it's a coincidence. WNYW is a real New York City affiliate, and McNeal was used (and spelled thusly) because it sounds like "McBeal." Whether or not the president looked like Hartman is subjective ... but I'll grant that taken together they're nice coincidences. >> Well, if future societies are hoping to read a capsule that hasn't >> been updated in 1,000 years ... Eric Sansoni: In my opinion, the below line is a meta-reference: Bender: Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years -- pfft. They are royally boned. I think the line is actually designed to be a "time bomb" kind of joke, one that's not set to go off for about 1,000 years. It's similar to this gag from The Simpsons [1F18]: Marge: I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of your classmates laughing at our family's private moments. How would you like it if, twenty years from now, people were laughing at things _you_ did? Bart: Not likely. Both these lines seem designed to be especially ironic, and humorous, to viewers who happen to be watching each show 20 or 1,000 years from now. At any rate, in the present, I think we're supposed to realize these lines are making reference to the possibility for future reruns (Nick at Nite?), and take them as meta-references to the potential long-term staying power of each show. It must have been fun for the writers to write a joke that they could imagine not finally "maturing" for many years. It's sort of the opposite of those TV writers who write jokes that were already stale a year ago. >> That'll teach 'em to store them horizontally and not watch them Jason Radek: I have a question about a joke in this episode. One of the characters says that all videotapes of shows from the twentieth century were destroyed in 2443, during the second coming of Jesus. Some sort of disaster is mentioned as well. I'm not sure what he was getting at. My interpretation is that all television shows were destroyed so Jesus couldn't see the crap we're all watching. Any thoughts? Nat Dykeman: What's the problem? I've got all my Futurama episodes on my hard drive, and backed up on CD (which aren't going to be hurt by anything electrical). Now, if only I can find those "Sanford & Sons" episodes. Larry Finkelstein: The second coming is supposed to include a variety of global catastrophes, fire, brimstone etc. Any kind of massive electro-magnetic release could damage video tapes for miles around. Also, he said "most video tapes were destroyed." Remember, Fry had some old episodes of "Sanford and Son" that survived. A second coming would support the idea of Jesus having divine origin, which itself would imply that he already knows what we're watching. But then, I practice Oprahism ... Brendan Keane: I thought that the second coming of Jesus was supposed to be the end of the world what with death and destruction raining down from the heavens, but in the Futurama universe the second coming of Jesus merely damaged their video tapes. It's a joke. Thanks for your time. Steven Aaron Monroe: If the Second Coming has happened, why is the world like the way it is? Why are there still Jews and members of non-Christian religions (ie, Oprahism, Voodoo, Robotology)? Either Farnsworth is senile and was lying, or it wasn't really the Second Coming (at least, not the way the Christians think it will be like). Stephen Sandford thinks that the second coming of Jesus happened something like this: In the early 21st century, Ron Popeil invents the head-preserving technique. At first, its only possible to preserve still-living people. However, after centuries of developement, scientists are able to resurrect the long-dead, and proceed to bring many famous historic figures such as Washington, Lincoln, and Nixon's dog Checkers back to life. Among those brought back is Jesus Christ. Eventually, despite his exhortions for peace, holy wars break out between some factions of Christianity who each try to win him over to their side and thus have their sect legitimitized above all others. New inquisitions spring up, roving the ruined cities destroying unholy artifacts, such as videotapes, from the Stupid Ages. Disenchanted by the violence committed in his name, Jesus converts to Oprahism. >> A clown hugs a nun Eric Sansoni: I don't think it was supposed to be Krusty, or a Krusty costume for that matter, just a generic clown, albeit Groening-style in appearance. It took me a few seconds to get the joke, so I can't say it gelled quick enough to produce a laugh, but I think I know what they were getting at. It's easier to figure out when you realize the previous shots of people hugging were meant to show complete opposites getting along (an old joke done best in the original Naked Gun and also done in Simpsons Halloween Special #2 when Lisa wishes for world peace). The question to ask is what about a clown is opposite from a nun? Well, nuns wear black and white, in fact they're one of the few people who wear a strictly colorless uniform. Meanwhile, the essence of the clown outfit is that they wear a veritable rainbow of colors. So the joke was someone who wears strictly black and white was getting along with someone who wears every other color there is. Why doesn't the joke work so well? Probably because fashion is not the immediate characteristic that comes to mind when thinking of clowns, or especially nuns, who have been the butt of jokes for numerous other reasons over the years for reasons besides their "penguin" gear. The joke gelled with me instantly. It's the rivalry between conservativism and liberalism, morality vs. fun, old-fashioned vs. modern ... now that I think about it, this may be one of the best jokes in the episode. Look at it this way: - If we were all the same color, would we all get along? Probably not. - If we were all the same color and religion, would we get along? Maybe. - If we were all the same color and religion, and everyone had the same outlook on how to live life, would we get along? I say most likely. That's how I saw the joke. >> On the Cutting-Room Floor This may not really qualify as an OTCRF, but ... in the first network airing, Fox goofed and reran the credits for the Simpsons episode that came before ("E-I-E-I-DO'h! (AABF19)") instead of the appropriate Futurama credits. Those zidiots! >> Last, and probably least ... If you watch carefully, you'll notice a striking amount of instances in this episode of people interrupting people! Dave Sweatt: The alien shoots his television as Elvis Presley is rumored to have done (which The Simpsons has also parodied). Steven Aaron Monroe: Bender feels pain. (Especially after his butt overheated when he was cooking burgers.) David C. Morrison: The artists are being very generous when they draw Amy at the beach. Dave Antonoff comments on the tiny spaceship blowing up Fry's sandcastle: They used this perspective illusion once before -- the 'planet' that splatted against the ships windshield in [1ACV05]. Dave Sweatt: Morbo is missing. I attibute this to the fact that since Lrrr's voice (the main alien) is very similar to Morbo's, it makes sense not to have the two play off of each other in the same scene. Haynes Lee: Dunkirk was the biggest evacuation just after the fall of France to Nazi Germany which involved a flotilla of every available English boat. Jason Barrera: Zapp Brannigan's Heart, Head, and Hand salute seems eerily like a Nazi salute. Although the White House has fallen into disuse, the Capitol building is still functioning as a legislative body. I guess there's little chance of President McNeal's preserved head showing up in the "Hall of Presidents" now. Steven Aaron Monroe: Amy's comment about Leela not having the thighs for a mini-skirt indicates that there might be some interesting friction between the two. I can imagine the two of them having a cat-fight (of course, I probably shouldn't). Don Del Grande: Fry was wrong. The secret to TV is that everything is back to normal at the beginning of the next episode, not the end of the current one. Didn't ten years of "The Simpsons" teach him anything? By preserving human heads in jars, haven't earthlings _already_ learned a recipe for immortality? Craig R. Orr notices a possible pun: Omicron Persei 8 --> O.P. 8 --> opiate The planet watches a lot of TV. TV is often considered an opiate. Looks good! ======================================================================== = Fun Stuff = >> References to Previous Episodes - [1ACV01] Fry delivers pizza _and_ LoBrau beer {ds} - [1ACV02] "Got Protoplasm?" ad appears - [1ACV02] "MOON U" man appears - [1ACV02] Bender: "Hey, I'm pretty good!" - [1ACV03] The PE ship beeps in reverse cf., Calculon's half-brother beeps {ds} - [1ACV04] The typewriter used in the unisex bathroom of Single Female Lawyer is exactly the same one used by Kif {lp} - [1ACV06] Music from car scene is reused from Fry's money-splurge - [1ACV06] A high resolution TV gag (cf., Amy's obscene tatoo) {ds} - [1ACV07] Dr. Zoidberg in hot butter - [1ACV08] Spray-on bikini cf., spray-on toupee {ds} - [1ACV08] Square root-2 News anchorwoman {ds} - [1ACV08] Bender scratches his shiny, metal ass - [1ACV08] Fry's sloth and knowledge of the 20th century save the world {lf} - [1ACV09] The street outside Sparky's Den, "That Equals True" robot, Hookerbot 5000 and one of the Junkie robots appear - [1ACV10] The crew wear their swimsuits - [1ACV10] Hermes easily swipes his clothes off to reveal an outfit that is appropriate for the occasion (swimsuit cf., olympic limbo outfit) {ds} - [1ACV10] "Where in Babylon is Bender?" cf., "What in Babylon?" - [1ACV11] LoBrau Beer ad appears - [1ACV11] Bender: "Cheese it!" >> Fan-made Alternate Titles for this Episode "Abnormal Dependence Day" "Attack of the 1000-Year Hiatus" {es} "Attack of the Killer Couch Potatoes" {hl} ======================================================================== = Voice Credits = >> Starring Billy West ............................... Fry, Farnsworth, Zoidberg, President McNeal, Zapp Katey Sagal ................................................... Leela John DiMaggio ............................ Fox Techie, Judge, Bender, Beach Bully >> Guest Starring Tress MacNeille ...................... Jennie McNeal, Court Reporter, Newscaster, Female Omicron Maurice LaMarche ......................... Omicron Husband, Lrrr, Kif Phil LaMarr ................................... Fox Announcer, Hermes Lauren Tom ............................................. Amy, Nibbler [Thanks to Haynes Lee for supplying the cast of the episode, which wasn't shown in the US credits due to technical stupidity.] = Quotes and Scene Summaries = % New York City, 1999. Fry is making a pizza delivery to the WNYW % broadcasting tower, and finds a man alone in the control room, save % for a few dozen buttons, dials and TV screens. Fry: Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh? Techie: Well, it's a Fox affiliate. Fry: What are you showing right now? Techie: [points to a TV screen] Single Female Lawyer. It's the season finale. You wanna watch? Fry: Aw, I dunno. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre "world's blankiest blank." Techie: She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. Fry: I'm in. % Fry takes a seat, and as they each crack into a beer we cut to the % show in progress. A skinny blonde and a male judge (a la "Ally % McBeal") are arguing in a bathroom. Judge: Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Woman: Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single, female lawyer in court, but this is a unisex bathroom! Judge: Overruled, Counselor. % The judge pulls her in to kiss her, and after a few seconds of % struggling, she gives in. As they kiss, a door to one of the stalls % opens up and a woman leans out, while typing into a laptop, asking % "Could you repeat that last part?" Back in real life, Fry yawns, and % his outstretched arm accidentally knocks over a beer can that was % resting on the control unit. The beer seeps into the machine, setting % off sparks and causing static to appear on every screen in the room. Techie: Oh, my God! You knocked Fox off the air! Fry: Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares. % We now switch to a view outside of the building and begin a sequence % in which we leave Earth and pull backwards through the solar system, % then the galaxy, eventually slowing down at an exotic planet, for % which the captions read: "Omicron Persei 8 -- 1000 Light Years Away -- % 1000 Years Later." Two native aliens (green, fat and troll-like) are % sitting in their den, watching the very same episode of "Single, % Female Lawyer" on television, when the screen erupts in static. Husband: This is an outrage! I demand to know what happens to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. [a Fox logo alights onscreen] Voice: Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row. % The husband, piping mad, takes out a ray-gun and vaporizes their TV. % End of Act One (1:41) % Fry and Bender are watching TV in the lounge. Hermes enters the room % carrying a rolled-up newspaper, and is angry to see them goofing off. Hermes: What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost ... ? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. [he hits Bender with the paper; Fry laughs and gets hit too] Fry: Hey, quit it, Hermes. Its Labor Day. Hermes: Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? Fry: That's the one. Hermes: Hot damn. A day off. % Hermes throws his jacket off and joins them on the couch. The rest of % the crew enter the room, wearing their swimsuits and carrying a load % of beach equipment. Leela: Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Bender: Oh, yeah. Hermes: Ready, Freddy. Fry: Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Leela: Fry, youre wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. Fry: But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Leela: [groans] Everyone's too polite to say anything but youre covered with bedsores. Fry: Not covered. Leela: Just get in the car. % After Fry is convinced to leave the office, the entire crew takes a % ride cross-country in their hovercar until they reach the parking-lot % of their destination, Monument Beach. The beach is overshadowed by % many full-sized structures, including the Sphynx, Big Ben, the White % House, Mount Rushmore, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Randy's Donuts and % some Easter Island heads. Fry: Wait. Mount Rushmore _and_ the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. Leela: They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a supervillain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Bender: Truly a great man. Look at him up there. % Bender points upwards -- we see that a fifth head has been carved into % Mount Rushmore, of the supervillain. (He looks like a mad scientist % with goggles.) Once the crew is settled into the beach, Leela rubs % tanning butter on herself and Dr. Zoidberg rubs butter on himself. % Hermes is searching the beach with a metal detector until he discovers % a source of metal, then digs to find Bender's head in the sand. He % exclaims "Aha! Found you!" and Bender offers for Hermes to go hide, % which he does. Bender simply lets him run off, then lays down with a % martini and shuts his eyelids. % The Professor, Zoidberg, Amy and Leela are playing volleyball. After % the Professor serves, Amy sets the ball to Leela, who spikes it onto % Farnsworth's skull, knocking him to the ground, while the ball leaps % right to Dr. Zoidberg, and impales itself on his claw. It deflates % with a hiss, and he impatiently tosses it into a pile of deflated % volleyballs behind him. When Farnsworth criticizes him, he says he's % had it with the game and opts to go for a "scuttle" ... he crouches % down and, with some fancy footwork, slides into the ocean. Meanwhile, % Bender offers the crew some burgers which were grilled to perfection % inside his chest cavity. Fry: Ah! Just like my Dad used to make until McDonalds fired him. Bender: Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute ... red-hot glowing ass?! [calmly] I'll be right back. % He discovers a patch of steaming-hot residue in his ass, screams in % pain and runs into the ocean, where the water cools him down. On % land, Amy is being watched furtively by Nibbler as she enjoys her % hamburger, until she accidentally drops the meat of it directly onto % her cleavage. Nibbler leaps for the free snack, and in running away % with the food manages to run off with her bikini top as well. % Covering herself with the two hamburger buns, she asks the professor % to get her another bikini, and he hands her a can of spray-paint. She % takes the can, sprays some onto herself, and a new bikini appears on % her skin. Amy: There, how do i look? Prof.: Like a cheap French harlot. Amy: [disappointed] French? % Fry is building a sandcastle, but a muscular bully comes over and % kicks the sand into his face. The bully looks to Leela. Bully: Say, Dollface, how'd you like to make time with a _real_ man? Leela: No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. [he flexes his muscles for her] Fry: It's okay, Leela -- go ahead. I've got a lot of work to do here. Bully: [laughs] Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down, she swoons ... you slip me 50 bucks. Fry: 50 bucks?! Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Leela: Fry! Although ... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Bully: Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay. [he dashes off and Leela sighs] % Underwater, Dr. Zoidberg's "scuttle" leads him to a deposit of fish % skeletons. As he moves over to have a taste, an old-fashioned % lobster-trap falls onto him! He yells for help, and soon enough, % Bender comes strolling along the ocean floor. Zoidberg pleas: % "Bender, you gotta spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too % pretty!" Bender helps by bending the bars of the cage outward, but as % Zoidberg climbs out, a siren wails from overhead and spotlights pour % down on them. They run away. Back on the beach, Fry is putting the % finishing touches on another, much bigger sandcastle. Fry: Voila. The greatest sandcastle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. Leela: Its very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Fry: Oh, yeah. Does anyone have a camera? Bender: Right here, buddy. % Bender closes one eye, and the other one extends out a few inches like % a zoom-lense. Before he takes a picture, he says he wants to be in % the picture too, and takes his head off and puts in on the ground, % then walks over to the rest of them, who are crowded behind the % sandcastle. "Pretend you're happy," he tells them seconds before the % picture is taken, but at the final moment a shadow looms over the % whole beach and the resulting picture has the crew in darkness, % looking upwards in fright. % A fleet of enemy flying saucers lowers from the sky and begins blowing % up the attractions at Monument Beach. As destruction and fire rain % down on the fleeing tourists, a miniature saucer flies over to Fry's % sandcastle and blows it up. Fry drops to his knees and cries "Noooo!" % End of Act Two (5:02) % The entire city is in peril from these saucers, who are zapping the % whole landscape with lasers. The crew barely escapes being fried by % one as they run from their car to the safety of the office. Fry: We're all gonna die, aren't we? Prof.: Oh, I should think so. Although last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes. [he inhales some breath-freshener] [Bender turns the TV on, to the news] Newscaster: One again, today's winning lotto number was four. In other news, alien saucers continue to reign destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. [a press-conference is held in the Capitol building] McNeal: Ladies and gentlemen, our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want, and -- % The transmission is cut and a group of green aliens (like the ones in % the opening act) appear in its place. One of them appears to be their % leader, wearing a cape and standing before a microphone. He speaks. Lrrr: People of Earth, I am Lrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8. [taps microphone; faces aside] Is this thing on? [someone nods yes; he turs back towards us] Now, then ... We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! [the transmission cuts back to the President] McNeal: [nervous] Uh ... as I was saying ... Mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this "McNeal" ... whoever he is. Am I right? [the audience murmurs] And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom, fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Ghandi Nebula, 25-Star General Zapp Brannigan! [applause; Zapp takes the podium; Leela groans] Bender: Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. Leela: The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Bender: Evidently not. [crosses his legs and looks away] Zapp: Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Leela: Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everone into the ship. Bender: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on. I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. Fry: A what? Bender: You know -- a coward. Zapp: Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. % Zapp presses a remote-control button, and Bender's antennae lights up. % He strikes a courageous pose and recites "It is every robots duty to % give his life for the good of humanity!", then mutters in resentment. % Away they go ... a fleet of hundreds of ships, including PE, leaves % Earth's atmosphere and enters the landing bay inside the Nimbus % spacecraft, which is floating near the moon. With all the draftees % assembled in a large corridor, Zapp Brannigan gives a motivational % speech. Zapp: You're all from different cultures, here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. [to a soldier] You're brown. [to Bender] ... and you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan of Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. [to Bender] Am I right, soldier? Bender: Well, actually, I ... [Zapp activates his patriotism circit] Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Zapp: Remember, our mission is simple -- destroy all aliens. Kif: [raises his hand] Er, um ... not me, sir. Zapp: Oh, yes ... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. [Zapp spots Leela among the ranks] Zapp: Oh, ho ... ho ... The luscious captian Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Leela: Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Zapp: Right, right. [loudly] Nobody destroy Leela, either. % Further in the bowels of the ship, in a living quarter full of % bunkbeds, Zapp gives his crew a lecture on bedmaking. Zapp: The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. Fry: You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? Zapp: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. % Later, Zapp lays out their battle plans with a large chart. Zapp: [pointing] The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. [Kif groans] Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage. [Fry raises his hand] Fry: Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first ... [Bender strangles Fry, until his patriotism kicks in] Bender: Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! [to himself] Aw ... cut it out! Zapp: You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me ... [to Leela] Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back. Leela: Maybe we should wait until afterwards in case neither of us comes back. Zapp: Here's hoping. % Zapp does a head-and-heart salute and finishes it by blowing a kiss % towards her. Once again, the ships take off and head into battle % towards the alien ship. In the PE ship, Fry is in charge of firing % the missles from the small dome atop the ship, excited. Fry: I'll be a science-fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain Janeway or Xena. Leela: Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Fry: Sure. I just like TV better. % The ships are closer than ever to the enemy saucer. The first wave of % ships (including PE) flies in and begins shooting. After registering % a few hits, our heroes' ship is hit. Leela asks for a damage report, % and Bender tells her the auxiliary power's out and he spilled his % cocktail. Fry, determined to avenge Bender's cocktail, fires a dozen % more missles at the enemy, point-blank, and as they move out of the % way, the mother ship explodes in fire. The crew cheers, Bender % dispenses more drinks, and Zapp appears via televideo to congratulate % them on destroying the mother ship. ... outside the windshield, % though, the universe seems to spring to life with thousands of brand % new stars until a perfect grid of white lights is formed. This % reveals itself as only the underside of a massive starship which makes % even the Nimbus look dwarfish. Zapp: [squints] What the hell is that thing? Kif: It appears to be the mother ship. Zapp: Then what did we just blow up? Kif: [checks map] The hubble telescope. % A few ships try in vain to attack the new enemy, but are vaporized % instantly. Zapp yells in anguish at his thinning ranks, while Leela % reasons to her friends that if they're going to get blown to bits, % they might as well do it in the comfort of their own home. At that % point, she drives the Planet Express ship in reverse, back towards % Earth. Meanwhile, Farnsworth is interviewing a team of prospective % employees who look startlingly like Fry, Bender and Leela. Prof.: You'll be the captain, you'll be the delivery boy, and you'll be the alcoholic, foul-mothed ... [The _real_ crew shows up across the room] Prof.: Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. [to the others] Sorry -- check back in three days. A week at the most. [the TV comes to life, with Lrrr at the helm] Lrrr: We want McNeal! Stop stalling! [cut to the news] Newscaster: And now, a rebuttal from President McNeal. [cut to the Capital building] McNeal: The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with ... % His speech is interrupted when Zapp Brannigan sneaks up behind him and % captures him inside a large potato sack. Zapp ties the end in a knot % and drags the President's mumbling, resisting self offscreen (while % some take the oppurtunity to kick the sack). Outside the building, a % leg of the aliens' spacecraft is resting on the ground. Zapp dumps % the sack next to a steel door, knocks, and runs away. Lrrr and his % Queen appear on the other side of the door just as McNeal frees % himself from the sack, and they stare face-to-face. Lrrr: You are not McNeal! Both: Huh? Queen: You are not the one we want. McNeal: Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I ... [Lrrr vaporizes the President with a raygun! Zapp shrieks] Lrrr: Give us McNeal! Zapp: That _was_ McNeal. Queen: No, _McNeal_ -- the Single Female Lawyer. Lrrr: She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Zapp: [curious] Really. [the crew are watching all this on television] Fry: Miniskirts?! That sounds familiar. Lrrr: Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world. Zapp: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Lrrr: Silence! We will accept no more decoys. _This_ is the McNeal. [Lrrr presents a photo of the Single, Female Lawyer] Fry: Wait ... I know her! Leela: You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. Fry: That's where I know her from. She's Jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th Century -- "Single Female Lawyer." Bender: Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years -- pfft. They are royally boned. Lrrr: We will raise your planet's tempurature by one mullion degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central. [end transmission; the crew is dismayed] Prof.: I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all. % End of Act Three (8:25) % An emergency meeting at Planet Express is being held. Leela is % lecturing to herself about the situation. Leela: They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about sonme bimbo lawyer? Fry: It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Prof.: Well, Omicron Persei 8 is about 1,000 light years away, so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see ... Fry: [apathetic] Magic. got it. % Amy is researching their crisis on the internet. She searches for % "Single Female Lawyer" and a web page opens up. Amy: Check this out ... back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spoilled coke on the transmitter. Fry: Beer. [bites tongue] ... I would think. Bender: They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to 'em. [Amy punches a few keys] Amy: There aren't any copies left. Prof.: No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of Jesus. Fry: You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode. If I could make up an ending maybe we could act it out ourselves. [Zoiberg cuts a suit in half with his claw] Zoidberg: I could make the costumes. Prof.: I have an old five megawatt broadcasting tower in the attic. Bender: [melodramatic] And I ... I could be an acting coach! Fry: Let's put on a show! % The crew has turned the Planet Express ship hangar into a large % studio. A courtroom set has been prepared, makeup and costume % accomodations are set up on the floor, Hermes, Zoidberg and the % Professor are hard at work setting things up, and Fry is discussing % the show with Leela and Amy. Fry: Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as Jennie, who ... Leela: Uh-uh. Forget it. A) I'm camera-shy, and b) I get tounge-tied in front of an audience armed with death-rays. Amy: Plus you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Leela: [resentful] Give me the script. [she grabs it from him] % Professor Farnsworth installs his disc-shaped broadcasting unit on the % roof of Planet Express, and Lrrr erects an old-fashioned antennae on % his flying saucer. Inside, Fry yells for everyone to take their % places. Amy puts the finishing touches on Leela's makeup (attaching a % plastic second eye on her left temple) and Bender activates three of % his built-in cameras. Lrrr and his associates gather around in their % arm-chairs while Lrrr turns the television on. Bender is holding % title screens up to the camera that say "Single Female Lawyer," % "Written and Directed by Fry" and singing his own theme-song. Bender: Single Female Lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy mini-skirts and bein' self-relient [spoken] Hey, I'm pretty good! % The scene opens up with Farnsworth playing the judge and Leela in the % witness' chair. Both are reading from a script in front of them. Fry % is in the directors' chair watching the scene on television while % Bender films. Prof.: Uh ... Jennie McNeal, you are charged with jury tempering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman. How do you plead? Leela: Your honor, I move for a mistrial on the grounds that I'm also having a hot, naked affair with the foreman of _this_ jury. % The jury consists of Hermes, Amy and ten cardboard cut-out people. % Hermes leans to his side and says to Leela, slyly: "I'll see _you_ % during the recess." Lrrr, watching from his saucer, turns to his % wife. Lrrr: If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously, why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? Queen: It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei 7 -- men are from Omicron Persei 9." [back to the courtroom scene] Prof.: Your witness, Prosecutor Remirez. % Dr. Zoidberg is dressed in a blue suit at the prosecutors' table. He % says "gracias" and approaches the bench. Zoidberg: Single Female Lawyer, where were you on the night of August 23rd? Leela: Sleeping with you. Zoidberg: [menacingly] Aha! % Zoidberg whips out his claw and points it at Leela's face, but gets % the tip caught on Leela's fake eyeball. It comes off, still caught on % his claw, and he sniffs it and eats it. Leela: [nervous] Uh, get ... getting back to the matter ... Uh, if it please the court ... % Leela sifts through her script furiously and then turns to Fry % offstage, worried. Leela: Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Fry: Well, it took an hour to write. I thought it'd take an hour to read. Leela: [anxious sigh] What are we supposed to do now? Fry: I don't know. I don't know. Just say anything -- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing -- a tour de force. [Leela turns back to the camera] Leela: Uh ... Prof.: What say you, Single Female Lawyer? Leela: I say ... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single! [stands up] Your honor, will you marry me? [Zoidberg gasps; Bender ad-libs some chilling music] Fry: [aggrevated] No, no ... go to commercial! Bender: [retracting his cameras] We'll be back after this word from Craaazy Bender's discount stereos. Fry: [to Leela] Married?! Jennie _can't_ get married. Leela: Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected ... Fry: But that's _not_ why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared! [Lrrr appears on the TV] Lrrr: Attention, McNeal -- your unexpected marraige plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a _single_ female lawyer and so shall you remain ... or else! [back to static] Fry: You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. Bender: [Gary Coleman-style] What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Fry: [to soft music] Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue-card. % Fry scribbles some lines in magic-marker and calls for "Action!" once % again. The actors read their lines outloud. Prof.: Miss McNeal ... I'm afraid I must decline your offer of marraige for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead. [folds hands and smiles] Zoidberg: My God, he's dead! [Farnsworth checks his own pulse] Leela: I will now make my closing statement. With my fiance deceased, I hearby return to my single female lawyer career, no matter what any _man_ says. Hermes: We find the defendant vulnurable yet spunky! [Zoidberg and Amy cheer] Fry: And ... cut! % Bender begins to sing the closing theme song: "Single, Female Lawyer, % having lots of sex ... " when Lrrr interrupts him, appearing on the % television once again. Lrrr: Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a C+. Okay; not great. As a result we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Fry: [to Zoidberg] Way to overact, Zoidberg. Lrrr: And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue! % Lrrr runs off, his cape trialing behind him with flair, and his whole % fleet of saucers takes off into the sky. People come out from hiding % and dance in the streets -- whites, blacks, Jews, Muslims, nuns and % clowns hug each other in the joy of the moment, and the Planet Express % crew watch the celebrations from their lounge window. Bender: You did it, Fry! [Fry sits on the couch contently, remote in hand] Fry: Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal. % Zoom way, way out to show the charred, fiery remains of New New York. % End of Act Four (6:10) ======================================================================== = Contributers = {bm3} Barry Margolin {jk} Joe Klemm {bt} Baykent Tukeli {lf} Larry Finkelstein {dcm} David C. Morrison {lp} Leandro Pardini {ddg} Don Del Grande {ms3} Mike Smith {ds} Dave Sweatt {rm2} Roscoe Mathieu {es} Eric Sansoni {rs} Reagen Sulewski {hl} Haynes Lee {sam} Steven Aaron Monroe {jb} Jason Barrera {sc} "Spacer2000" {jcl} Janet F. Caires-Lesgold ======================================================================== Like all disclaimers, mine is so short a === First uploaded: 21-Nov-1999 lawyer on contingency could have devised === Revision B : 13-Mar-2000 it. Shoved down your throat by Jordan === E-mail jedraw@earthlink.net "Fatcat Capsule Gangster" Eisenberg. ===============================